Human communication is extremely important because it is the life blood of every relationship. The big problem is most of us do not know how to communicate well. We practice selfish communication in that we want to do all the communicating through talking and expect others to just listen. That is the poorest form of communication. In James 1:19-20, James admonishes his brethren, “let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Most of us have it backwards; we are swift to speak and slow to listen. We tend to leave our mouth in gear while our brain is in neutral. Result, we say things we shouldn’t and make the situation worse. We are so intent on getting our point across that we lose the reality that the other person has a point also. We will never figure that out until we learn active listening. Active listening involves allowing the other person to talk, show an interest in their position, do not interrupt, and repeat the things that are important so that the person will know you are interested and are listening. An active listener is swift (quick) to hear.
Next James adds that we must be “slow to speak.” Further in the same chapter James wrote, “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless” v. 26. We are guilty of reacting to a statement by “popping off.” See Eccl. 5:2 “Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes through much activity, and a fool’s voice is known by his many words.” How many times are we guilty of talking when we should be listening? Pro 18:13 “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” How often do we interrupt the other person of their explanation in order to defend ourselves assuming we knew what they were about to say? Then we find out we jumped to a conclusion that was unintended. James writes that good listening skills and a carefully thought out response conceives a slowness to anger. In one of my favorite movies, Rooster Cogburn (John Wayne), Miss Goodnight (Katherine Hepburn) shares a poem with Reuben (Rooster) Cogburn. Listen to this little ditty.
A WISE OLD OWL
A wise old owl sat on an oak,
The more he heard the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why can’t we be like that wise old bird?
Good advice for all of us.